Several things I learned from dating trans men

Before I went to college, I didn’t come out from the closet. The past 18 years is hardly a part of my life. Why? Because that wasn’t me, not the real me. There wasn’t a day I felt right. When I was in high school, my only friend was a lesbian, but she was expired from our school because we are a Christian school. The only thing I know about her is she transitioned a few years after she was graduated. Now she becomes “he” and lucky for him, he found his family. We are still friends today, although our journey is different. Both if us have found the right pronouns to refer to ourselves. He is now a very handsome guy, even more handsome than many cisgender males. From him, I learned a few things and I would like to share these knowledges.

Do not assume anyone to be heterosexual just from his/her appearance. For many people, this is obvious, while it is not actually. I talked with a few of my friends. They said many people think transgender males will be only interested in females, but the fact is more than that.

When we talked about homosexual and bisexual, that does not approve anything about their gender identity. Assuming everyone is heterosexual just because of the gender their appearances portray to be is an unhealthy and uneducated heterosexual projection, which we do not need.

I am not so good at telling one whether he/she is homosexual or bisexual. Some people call it as gay radar. So unless I meet them in homosexual bars, the only thing I can do it to show my interest and see if they are interested in me or not. Fortunately, nowadays, with the rapid development of the internet, we have numerous of hookup apps that can help accomplish the work. Worth mentioning, there are even transgender hookup apps, which really do a great favor for transgender people.

Do not pay too much attention to the medical treatment for transgender people. Being a transgender people doesn’t always mean to take medical treatment or body parts. Having a dick doesn’t make you a man. Similarly, for shemales, having their genital cut doesn’t make them women. Your gender identity is determined not by your appearance, but your heart.

When I was with a transgender male before in my life, I told him that I don’t know what to do with his body to make him feel good. She told me to pay attention to the feelings and emotions, but not on the body. This is the best way to engage in an intimate relationship.

Do not think all transgender people are bottom. This is another common misunderstanding for transgender people. Just like assuming everyone is heterosexual, assuming every transgender people are bottom is wrong. Being manly from inside is far more important than putting the male genitals somewhere. A good man should know how to listen, be responsible and bring happiness to the person he loves.